he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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