My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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