hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
