can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
