Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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