I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
