Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
