Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
