For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
