she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
