you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
