Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
