I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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