Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please, let me fuck your mom
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He has the fingertips of a God
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
