All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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