New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
