i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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