Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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