not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
