The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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