Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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