I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
