Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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