i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
