I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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