ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
