i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
