I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
two words: eviction party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.