Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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