He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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