You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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