i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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