Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We're too hungover to prance.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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