Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
