The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
