Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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