So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
