I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
