i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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