Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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