I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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