fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
