Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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