i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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