Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
