she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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