Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
