Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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