Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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