You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize