you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
