By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
