Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
