Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
