Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
