tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love you.
Bad choice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
