I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.