just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law