You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
