He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
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the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse