i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
