i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
